You've got to conform to belong.

Today I am thinking about conformity.

This is something that I have always had a problem with. Basically I have never seen the point of not conforming to rules and instructions. If there is a guideline I will naturally think gnat someone has taken time to consider an issue and has then decided upon a right way of doing things. The more I think about this the more I think I am wrong! I guess you could call this social conformity.

There is another conformity that I also fall into but with a great deal more consideration and that is spiritual conformity. This might apply to my daily living or my Christian leadership within the church. It is that I 'do' my faith and all that surrounds it in such a way that it represents what others think it should rather than what God desires of me.

And I guess a lot of people fulfil this conformity with very little thought.

I sometimes live my discipleship as if the approval of my peers is what should be sought instead of the approval of Christ. I let them dictate my timetable, my activities, what I do in my spare time and many other things that are neither God glorifying or God's will for me - and perhaps that is where the tipping point is: our relationship with God is personal, he has a plan for each of us that is different, in the main, to the next person. We live, however, in a conforming world and so overlay that experience onto our spiritual lives and conform to others rather than the 'inward renewing of our hearts and minds' by Christ (Romans 12:2).

Today then, even though I have a full diary of commitments and meetings, I will stop regularly to consider: who set this task, this thought, this action? Is it someone else? Is it me? Or is it Christ?

Slow down

Life in the 21st Century is lived at such a speed as to be almost unbelievable.

One of the regular complaint I hear people make is that their computer is 'too slow'. I never heard anyone in the past who registered a complaint that their pen was too slow, or their encyclopedia was too slow!

We live life at top speed, committing to many things, ensuring our attendance at all sorts of gatherings and meeting both social and business. We save programmes to watch 'when we have time'. We don't write letters anymore we text and even then abbreviate words because we don't have the space or time (and that's only if we are not too busy to remember!)

Slow down...

Breathe...

Think...

Pray...

Yes we have many calls on our time, serious calls. We also have a tendency to overcommit ourselves to things that don't need doing or are, in fact, someone else's responsibility or on their agenda not ours.

Jesus obviously lived in a world that was socially and technologically very different to ours but even He had to find times and places to just 'be still' (interestingly one was where panic and storm were going on around Him).

Today I will stop occasionally. Not from tiredness or because I am a laggard, not because I don't know what to do next or am lazy but because if it was important for Jesus it has to be important for me.

He was always about His Fathers business even when he appeared to be doing nothing...

Don't Worry...

The story of Martha and Mary is an important one because so many people associate with one of the two sisters: Martha, busying and fretting; Mary, sitting and listening.

I am asked this morning to consider those things that I am fretting about. What is stopping me sitting and listening to Jesus.

This is always a pertinent question for me as I am a recovering worrier. There was a point when I would lose sleep worrying about many things. Worrying even to the point of worrying about what I had forgotten to worry about! It sounds comic but it was debilitating - and very frustrating for those around me.

These days I tend not to worry to a great degree as I experienced a real healing from this a few years ago. To worry is to waste time often on things over which you have no control. By fretting over them they live rent free in your mind. The things that you do have control over deserve action - however menial they my seem. Even simply putting them on a 'to do' list will lift some of the worry burden. If you can do something immediately then do it. The obvious thing is to pray!

I often, when knowing I have to have a conversation with someone that may be delicate, commit myself to that by saying to them before the time comes 'we must have a chat about...' The worry over starting the conversation is gone, I'm committed to a point of no return, it lifts the burden.

So even though today I am challenged to consider what I am worrying about and the answer is 'very little', it does not diminish my commitment to responding to issues neither does it make me unconcerned. I simply am responding to worry in the way God taught me when he said 'look at the lilies of the field...' (Matthew 6:28)

Life changing...

No one has that perfect life! I sometimes catch a 'lifestyle' programme on TV and inevitably whether it is about 'The Real Housewives of...', 'location, location, location' or 'Grand Designs' there is very clearly a cost to gaining a 'better' way of life - the cost is financial, discomfort, and the like. Not infrequently when they improved life is attained there is still some underlying issue that remains unresolved.

While looking at scripture today I am being asked 'in what ways are / have my life plans been put 'out of joint' in order that I depend on God more?' 

In other words 'if you want an improved experience of God what have you been put through in order to achieve this?' It's a reflection on Genesis 32 where Jacob wrestles with God at the Jabbok Brook, gets his hip out of joint but also receives a deeper relationship and a new name.

As I thought about this I remembered a conversation yesterday when it was reflected that Alan, who got saved a few months ago following an addiction to drink has ended up in prison because of a momentary lapse in his experience. When he shared with his pastor that maybe this was God's punishment his very wise captain explained that far from punishment this was a gift from God where he could focus on his discipleship and God's goodness. Very wise words! Alan still knows that God's love is unconditional and is now using his time to good effect.

When I look back on the things I have wrestled with that have taken me deeper into relationship with God it is things like Catherine's cancer, and to a lesser degree, my own brush with melanoma; it is the times when I have worried through sleepless nights about the well being of my children. It is very much the moments that I realise that Jesus is all I've got that Jesus is all I need.

On a superficial level, but one which illustrates this experience well for me, is the fact that I get up most mornings at around 6am in order to focus on my relationship with Christ. Unsurprisingly when I do this, I have a better day and my relationships with others are improved - when I don't... Well you can imagine!

The reality for me is that whatever happens in my life I see it as a gift from God: the good, the bad and the ugly things: I bear them, tolerate and even enjoy them because God always has something within them that takes our relationship deeper as a result: I just have to look for what He is doing.

Stormy weather...

I have been prompted today to consider what storms - internal or external - may prevent me from doing God's will. Much like Jonah who faced his own internal storm and then the literal external storm.

Honestly I can't really think of one - not a large and considerable storm. I don't have huge internal battles to comply with God's desire for my life. I don't live a life of constant tension looking out for the next confrontation I have with God because I reject His will for me. Quite the opposite in fact - I've discovered God to be much greater, much wiser, than I am. Even though I may not always have understood His reasoning or sending I have been able to consider things in reflection and know that He has always had a purpose.

That doesn't mean to say I have never struggled with God's direction for my life...

25 years ago, Catherine and I were appointed to a ministry which soon proved to be, in our minds not a good or 'right' appointment. It didn't fit us and we did not fit it. The people openly expressed they're dislike of many of our decisions - even when they had initially agreed with them and, on one occasion, I was told 'we hate your wife'.

Difficult doesn't begin to describe it - a storm of Biblical proportions. We only stayed twelve months and then we moved to arguably our happiest appointment in church leadership.

Yet only three years ago while leading a church retreat a young mum came and spoke to us, reminding us that she had been a young person in that 'difficult' fellowship many years previously and she had realised how difficult it was for us with the significant opposition we faced.

'But I was glad you were there for me' she said.

In those seven words two things happened: firstly I realised how much bitterness I still had from that time, I had never really let it go and didn't even realise I was holding onto it. Secondly I let it go. It was as if having been in the storm for just twelve months I had held onto some piece of shipwreck to keep me in the storm and by letting go of it I was now able to float on the tide of God's grace to the security of the dry land of His love.

So is there a storm today separating me from God? I don't think so but I may not know until I recognise the alternative...

Road block

What is 'secondary' and blocking the way to experiencing God? 

That's the question Imam asked today.

I've just been through, and I pray it will continue, a very rich time with God. He has taught me so much about His generosity towards me and mine towards others - and therefore to Him.

It has been a time when I have felt so very close to Christ continually. Every day seemed rich with His presence, every prayer was an intimate conversation. I sense that slipping away into a more shallow time however...

The last few days have been wonderful socially and emotionally. Spending time with very good friends at the fellowship we used to be part of and became part of once again. Easter worship was great and then some relaxation on Bank Holiday Monday - brilliant!

But maybe it all became too much about me. Having experienced forty days of generosity through #40acts, maybe I just became too self indulgent. Perhaps the 'secondary' thing is me. Maybe I am not only buying and selling in the temple courts but maybe I am 'for sale' and have made myself very cheap that the offering I am to God is pretty worthless...

I am reminded not only of the Sunday school chorus 'Jesus first, yourself last...' But also a scripture that was in my mind when I woke up this morning - it's from Matthew 6:33:

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (Matthew 6:30-33 MSG)

Today, I am secondary to the will and word of God - I will be richer for it.

It's all over... Almost

This Lent, instead of giving up something, I took part in #40acts - 40 days of generosity.

Honestly I thought it was just a simple way of engaging, principally through social media, with other people who wanted to pursue Lent a bit differently.

Oh how wrong I was!

It has been a wonderful time of inspiration, and experiencing the generosity of others and returning to a generous spirit myself. I have loved all of the tasks, even the ones that I wasn't, for one reason or another, able to complete. I have met new friends throughout these forty days, some virtually and some  in reality.

At the beginning of the challenges I commenced blogging on the daily experiences - I am given to understand that some people have found this helpful - I am blessed that anyone would do so and also very grateful that you have let me know.

I have been hugely inspired by turning numerous times in each day to the website and particularly the 'caring is sharing' tab: you #40act-ers are incredible, creative and most importantly generous people. 

Today's act is to throw a party! Although I'm not even at home a party is being planned for a few weeks time when I will invite friends, neighbours and others to celebrate - you may even get an invitation!