Life changing...

No one has that perfect life! I sometimes catch a 'lifestyle' programme on TV and inevitably whether it is about 'The Real Housewives of...', 'location, location, location' or 'Grand Designs' there is very clearly a cost to gaining a 'better' way of life - the cost is financial, discomfort, and the like. Not infrequently when they improved life is attained there is still some underlying issue that remains unresolved.

While looking at scripture today I am being asked 'in what ways are / have my life plans been put 'out of joint' in order that I depend on God more?' 

In other words 'if you want an improved experience of God what have you been put through in order to achieve this?' It's a reflection on Genesis 32 where Jacob wrestles with God at the Jabbok Brook, gets his hip out of joint but also receives a deeper relationship and a new name.

As I thought about this I remembered a conversation yesterday when it was reflected that Alan, who got saved a few months ago following an addiction to drink has ended up in prison because of a momentary lapse in his experience. When he shared with his pastor that maybe this was God's punishment his very wise captain explained that far from punishment this was a gift from God where he could focus on his discipleship and God's goodness. Very wise words! Alan still knows that God's love is unconditional and is now using his time to good effect.

When I look back on the things I have wrestled with that have taken me deeper into relationship with God it is things like Catherine's cancer, and to a lesser degree, my own brush with melanoma; it is the times when I have worried through sleepless nights about the well being of my children. It is very much the moments that I realise that Jesus is all I've got that Jesus is all I need.

On a superficial level, but one which illustrates this experience well for me, is the fact that I get up most mornings at around 6am in order to focus on my relationship with Christ. Unsurprisingly when I do this, I have a better day and my relationships with others are improved - when I don't... Well you can imagine!

The reality for me is that whatever happens in my life I see it as a gift from God: the good, the bad and the ugly things: I bear them, tolerate and even enjoy them because God always has something within them that takes our relationship deeper as a result: I just have to look for what He is doing.

Stormy weather...

I have been prompted today to consider what storms - internal or external - may prevent me from doing God's will. Much like Jonah who faced his own internal storm and then the literal external storm.

Honestly I can't really think of one - not a large and considerable storm. I don't have huge internal battles to comply with God's desire for my life. I don't live a life of constant tension looking out for the next confrontation I have with God because I reject His will for me. Quite the opposite in fact - I've discovered God to be much greater, much wiser, than I am. Even though I may not always have understood His reasoning or sending I have been able to consider things in reflection and know that He has always had a purpose.

That doesn't mean to say I have never struggled with God's direction for my life...

25 years ago, Catherine and I were appointed to a ministry which soon proved to be, in our minds not a good or 'right' appointment. It didn't fit us and we did not fit it. The people openly expressed they're dislike of many of our decisions - even when they had initially agreed with them and, on one occasion, I was told 'we hate your wife'.

Difficult doesn't begin to describe it - a storm of Biblical proportions. We only stayed twelve months and then we moved to arguably our happiest appointment in church leadership.

Yet only three years ago while leading a church retreat a young mum came and spoke to us, reminding us that she had been a young person in that 'difficult' fellowship many years previously and she had realised how difficult it was for us with the significant opposition we faced.

'But I was glad you were there for me' she said.

In those seven words two things happened: firstly I realised how much bitterness I still had from that time, I had never really let it go and didn't even realise I was holding onto it. Secondly I let it go. It was as if having been in the storm for just twelve months I had held onto some piece of shipwreck to keep me in the storm and by letting go of it I was now able to float on the tide of God's grace to the security of the dry land of His love.

So is there a storm today separating me from God? I don't think so but I may not know until I recognise the alternative...

Road block

What is 'secondary' and blocking the way to experiencing God? 

That's the question Imam asked today.

I've just been through, and I pray it will continue, a very rich time with God. He has taught me so much about His generosity towards me and mine towards others - and therefore to Him.

It has been a time when I have felt so very close to Christ continually. Every day seemed rich with His presence, every prayer was an intimate conversation. I sense that slipping away into a more shallow time however...

The last few days have been wonderful socially and emotionally. Spending time with very good friends at the fellowship we used to be part of and became part of once again. Easter worship was great and then some relaxation on Bank Holiday Monday - brilliant!

But maybe it all became too much about me. Having experienced forty days of generosity through #40acts, maybe I just became too self indulgent. Perhaps the 'secondary' thing is me. Maybe I am not only buying and selling in the temple courts but maybe I am 'for sale' and have made myself very cheap that the offering I am to God is pretty worthless...

I am reminded not only of the Sunday school chorus 'Jesus first, yourself last...' But also a scripture that was in my mind when I woke up this morning - it's from Matthew 6:33:

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (Matthew 6:30-33 MSG)

Today, I am secondary to the will and word of God - I will be richer for it.